Of Skeletons and Skulduggery
by DeadWoman
Summary: A one-shot about a power cut on halloween. Don't read if you get scared easy like me. Dolls and creepy women.
1. Chapter 1

**Keep forgetting to do these. No characters except Jade and Violet and other characters are mine. All Derek Landy's. **

**T**he house between the two funeral homes was decorated with ghosts and cobwebs and pumpkins. Skulduggery had gone all out for the Halloween night. Ghastly and Tanith knocked on the front door and Valkyrie answered.

"Welcome, friends, to Skulduggery's special Halloween bonanza." She said.

"You're meant to say it with pazzazz and drama!" Skulduggery appeared next to her.

"You say it then." Valkyrie snapped.

Skulduggery ignored his girlfriend and invited them in. "Dexter and Saracen are in the kitchen with Erskine. Erskine's making us all cupcakes. Fletcher's on a date with Vi so he'll be on his way soon. Anton was a miserable bugger and stayed at the hotel." He said.

Then there was a loud yell from the kitchen and Erskine stormed out.

"Skul! Tell your chimps to stop stressing me out. They burnt all the cupcakes."

"I didn't mean to!" Dexter yelled.

"My hotness burnt them!" Saracen grinned.

"Stop it! All of you. Halloween is a time for goodwill, happiness and most importantly, skeletons." Skulduggery said.

Then the lights went out.

"Where's the torch?" Tanith grabbed someone's leg. "Oops." She fumbled around in the darkness.

"Tanith?" Saracen said.

"Yeah?"

"That's my crotch."

"Ew!" Tanith fell back and landed on someone. Dexter howled in pain then stopped.

"This is hot. A beautiful girl lying on me...sorry, Ghastly." Dexter pushed Tanith forward and she glared at him.

"Right, is everyone comfortable?" Ghastly asked. Everyone snuggled in their den of blankets and pillows and sleeping bags. "I'll tell a horror story."

"Yay!" Dexter squealed and threw popcorn at everyone.

"There once was a man called Dexter. He looked at himself in the mirror. And died of terror." Tanith said.

"You're so mean."

"Shush, guys, I'll begin...once upon a time..." Ghastly said.

Of Ghosts and Ghastly

I woke up, my head hurting from the drunken night me and my friends had had the night before. I was in a strange room ; it was very girly with pink everywhere. Then, I realised. There was someone in the bed next to me!

**("How's this a horror story?" Saracen sighed. **

**"The person was you," Valkyrie cackled.)**

I could see some dark hair poking out from under the duvet.

**("See, it's Saracen!" Tanith laughed.)**

What the hell had I done last night? I edged my way out of bed but the person next to me stirred. I held my breath but it was to no avail. The woman rose from her sleep.

"Hi, I'm-" I started to introduce myself before I realised that she knew me, obviously, even if I had no recollection of her.

But the woman turned her head to me and I gulped. She had messy dark hair and black eyes. Her mouth was a wide gash in her face and her skin was milky white.

"Hello." She said in a snarling voice that sounded like Finbar when he was possessed by a Faceless One.

I screamed and leaped out of bed. I wasn't naked but I was only wearing a pair of boxers and a loosely buttoned shirt.

"Why are you running? Are you afraid of me?" The woman continued. Her long-fingered hand rose from underneath her duvet and she put it in her mouth. She stretched her mouth into a wide smile, the flesh ripping apart. "Are you afraid of me now?"

**(Skulduggery was cuddled up into his sleeping bag and whispered, "yes, please don't hurt me.")**

I was frozen to the spot but as she stepped out of bed, I ran through a door. It led into a small bathroom and I sat against the closed door, panicking. She - It?- was tall with a white hospital gown on her thin figure.

"Please don't be afraid of me. I'm just like you or your friends. I'm alive. I'm very very happy." The rasping voice said and the woman appeared in the bathroom mirror. Her reflection's smile stretched to her eyes, her face a bloody mess. I backed away from the mirror and the door opened.

The Thing stood there, it's face mutilated and horrible.

"Don't you want to be my friend?" It asked and I dived to take it down. It grabbed me and pulled me upright before I even reached it. "I said don't you want to be my friend?" It asked again.

"Yes." I screamed as it's claws grabbed my arm.

"Too late." The thing snarled and stabbed me in the back, literally. "But I'll be nice."

Two months later, a man woke up, having no memories of last night, and stared at the woman sleeping in his bed. She sat up, her mouth dripping with dark red blood. "Hello." She smiled. "Are you afraid of me?"

The man screamed and got out of his bed, trying to run. I stood, my gash of a mouth sewn together, and held the claw that had killed me.

"Why are you running? Are you afraid of me?" I asked and then I woke up.

Real Life

"You woke up? What a tragic ending." Dexter tried to laugh but his voice was shaky.

"I haven't finished." Ghastly grinned.

"Not more." Skulduggery whimpered.

"And then I woke up. A woman with pale skin, dark hair and a bloody mouth smiled at me. 'Hello,' she said, 'nice dreams?'. I shivered as she walked towards me. 'Are you afraid of me?'. And it all became real."

Valkyrie was buried in her blanket pile.

Tanith was frozen, popcorn halfway to her mouth.

Saracen hadn't moved for five minutes.

Erskine had slumped into his sleeping bag, in terror.

"I bloody hate you." Skulduggery whispered.

"Right!" Ghastly said brightly. "Who's next?"

"Me!" Dexter said. "For revenge."

Of Dolls and Dexter

**("This is going to be about an entirely different man called Dexter." Dexter told them. **

**"Great." Saracen tried to smile.**

**"Yeah." Dexter took a deep breath and began.)**

Dexter was a handsome fellow. He had sun-streaked blonde hair and amazing abs. So, in his trip to Mexico, Dexter fell for the oldest trick in the Mexican book.

"The Island of Dolls is a great place to meet people." The old man who led the tourist booth by the river told him. By people, Dexter assumed he meant women.

"I'll take a boat there." He said confidently.

"Let me finish, young man," the old man snapped and Dexter smiled at being called young. "The Island of Dolls are a hallowed and evil place. There are tales that the dolls talk. Many people who go there never come back."

"I'm a Dead Man, I can face some fake dolls. However scary they look." Dexter said and he took a small boat to the island. His first mistake.

Decaying dolls hung off the trees with ropes and string. It looked like they had been executed by a hanging. One doll had a smile on it's face despite the hole that had once been it's eye. The other eye watched him as he looked for any other human.

"Hello." A man appeared next to a tree. "I am Puerto. I am the man who loves these dolls."

"Cool." Dexter nodded.

"Gracias."

"Grassy arse." Dexter repeated and Puerto sighed.

There was a breeze and the dolls swung back and forth through the trees. Dexter stared at the hole-filled, ruined dolls and he could have sworn one gave a small smile.

"We have to go." Puerto said suddenly. "My hut is that way."

He walked off through the trees and Dexter tried to follow. He heard a small giggle and something tugged on his top. He spun round but there was no-one there. Just a small doll with a smile. Dexter backed away, searching for any place where there was no dolls. Another giggle. "Hello, are you lost?" A little girl's voice asked. Again there was only wide-eyed innocent dolls smiling at him. With a blast of horror, he realised they were following him. He blinked and one appeared on a tree branch, swinging from a string.

"Hello, do you want to live here with us?" It asked, although it's mouth wasn't moving. Dexter turned and ran. He stopped in a clearing where there was one willow tree in the centre. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of dolls were hanging on that willow tree.

He stopped. They were all smiling, all staring at him.

Then Dexter blinked.

They were getting closer.

Another giggle sounded and he turned his head. When he looked back, they were even closer.

Another blink and one was touching his leg with it's outstretched hand.

He stepped back, only to fall over a branch. In the second that he wasn't looking as he fell, a doll grabbed his hand. It's plastic fingers dug into his flesh ones and it was smiling to reveal small sharp teeth.

"We don't like intruders. Look what happens to them." It said, it's painted on smile not moving. Dexter managed to look at the crowd of dolls, all looking like tourists, their expressions horrified, hanging from the trees.

The doll leant forward and bit into Dexter's neck. He screamed, his last sound echoing round the trees. In his hut, Puerto heard it then heard a knock on his window. He glanced up and saw a doll's face, pale porcelain, pure evil.

"We killed your friend. He's one of us now." The doll said in a sing-song voice. "And now we're coming to get you."

A hand reached out and the legend of the living dolls gained a new doll.

Two years later, three dolls were in an English museum. "I want that one, Mummy, Puerto." The little boy pointed to the Mexican doll.

"No dear, we can't buy them." The woman said and hurried him away. The little boy turned back for one last look and the middle doll smiled.

"Hello. Are you lost?" She giggled.

Real Life

"Dexter?" Skulduggery poked someone.

"Ow. Yeah?"

"I have a doll upstairs. It was my daughters."

"Oh shit." Dexter hid under his blanket.

"Couldn't you of told me before I started this story?"

"I was too scared from Ghastly's story."

"Oh crap." Valkyrie moaned. "I'm so scared."

Then there was a bang from upstairs.

"No!" Saracen burrowed under his duvet.

"Holy Cupcakes, it's Skulduggery's stupid doll." Erskine whimpered.

"My daughter's doll." Skulduggery corrected him. "I'm scared."

"Me too." Ghastly whispered.

"Let's go up." Tanith slithered to the door in her sleeping bag. Everyone followed her.

There was another bang and some footsteps.

"And the pitter patter of the doll's footsteps followed the boy through the museum." Dexter muttered.

"What?"

"I'm finishing my story." He shrugged then laughed. "Why? Why did I have to do one about dolls?"

"Because you hate us all." Saracen whacked him. Then they slithered up the stairs. The footsteps were coming from Skulduggery's hat room.

"No. Not my babies." Skulduggery whispered. Then the door creaked open and a dark small shadow came from the room. Valkyrie screamed and then the rest of them did too. The shadow screamed even louder. "What the hell, guys!" Fletcher was crawling along the corridor. "I teleported into the hat room then I couldn't turn any lights on and got scared so I kept bumping into stuff and then I got scared again and crawled."

"We thought you were an evil doll." Erskine flopped on the floor.

"Okayyyy..."

"Dexter's been telling us a horror story about an island of dolls." Valkyrie explained. They all laid in the hallway and Erskine shared around cupcakes.

"My God, Grand Mage, these are great." Tanith said.

"Grassy arse." Erskine said and everyone except Dexter and Fletcher laughed.

"You're a grassy arse." Dexter glared at him.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"It's my turn!" Skulduggery yelled.

Of Skeletons and Skulduggery

Once there was a skeleton.

Who's name was Skully P

He searched and searched and searched

But still he could not find me

He was bold and cool

His partner went to school

He wore hats with sass

And had a great ass

And he could rap

While running a lap

Then he went all psycho

And killed lots of people and more

He turned into Lord Vile

For a while

Once there was a skeleton.

Who's name was Skully P

Real Life

After Skulduggery's rap, everyone was sleeping. At around 3am, the lights came back on. Valkyrie woke up first and got out of her sleeping bag to turn them off. "Hey, what you doing?" Skulduggery asked.

"Turning the lights off."

"Come to bed." Skulduggery grabbed his girlfriend's hand and pulled her into his bedroom, where they slept in the bed until Erskine woke them up at 9am with news of Morning Cupcakes.

**Okay, that was scary to right. Especially Skulduggery's rap. O_O. Has anyone got any ideas for new fanfics? If you do then review this and tell me! Grassy arse/gracias/thanks! **


	2. Chapter 2 : Marshmallows and Pranks

**_Thank you Fluorissa Rose for prompting me to write a sequel!_**

* * *

**One year later...**

"We gather here on All Hallow's Eve," Ghastly announced. "I, Tanith, Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Fletcher, Erskine and indeed, the one and only Billy-Ray Sanguine as his punishment for a minor kidnapping."

"I can't believe you let him off, Ghastly." Valkyrie tutted.

"Don't listen to her, Bespoke, I will take my punishment like a man and be strong." Sanguine said. "Ooh marshmallows cakes!"

Tanith handed him a ghost marshmallow muffin and he thanked her politely. Valkyrie groaned.

"My marshmallow cakes. Tanith made them at my suggestion so I get to eat them." Valkyrie complained. Sanguine opened his mouth to reveal soggy chewed-up cake.

"Want it back?" he said with cake flying out of his mouth.

"Ahem." Ghastly coughed. "Now, we had a vote and we are telling three stories then doing a Halloween prank."

"We didn't vote." Fletcher frowned.

"Ghastly's a control freak." Skulduggery explained. "He loves planning. Although I don't get why we had to have our Halloween Party Part 2 at Ghastly's house."

"Because you complained last time because we all took a hat as a souvenir." Ghastly said. Valkyrie smirked. She had taken Skulduggery's favourite black hat and adorned it with feathers and glitter. She had it tonight to use as blackmail if the occasion arose that Skulduggery did something embarrassing.

"Right. Who's going first for the story-telling?" Erskine asked. Fletcher put his hand up and made excited noises. "Fletcher, is your story about your hair or hair gel?" Fletcher put his hand down and scowled.

"I'll go first as y'all are idiots of the first order." Sanguine said.

The Tale Of The Texan Terror

**It was a cold December night, three days from Christmas, and a man called Androngous Pier was walking through the desert, trying to reach the town of Miser before midnight. Midnight was when bad things happened. Pier didn't believe in ghosts but there was a rumour that there was a group of thieves that operated around midnight out here on this lonely road. They targeted travellers and Pier had a bagful of money if they got him but he sewed money inside his clothes too as a precaution. **

**"Androngous Pier." came a ghostly moan. Pier gulped. This wasn't part of the rumours. Of course, some people died from these attacks - a fact that he was just remembering now and he got scared. **

**"Please! You can have my money!" Pier called out. He thought he saw a figure near a leafless tree but then he blinked and it was gone. Mind tricks, he reassured himself. Tricks of the light. **

**"I don't want your money, Androngous, I want your soul." the voice cackled. **

**"My-my soul?" Pier stammered. Then frowned. "Doctor Nye?" Nye was known for his work on the human soul. It'd be just like him to come and steal money, haunt the poor lonely travellers and drag the dead bodies away to experiment on. **

**"I am not this Doctor Nye." the voice said. "I am The Texan Terror and I need fear to live. Your fear, Androngous." **

**Pier felt sick. If he stopped being scared, maybe it would go away.**

**"Won't work!" the voice moaned. Pier glared into the darkness. **

**"Listen here, Texan Terror, come out and let me see you. I am not afraid of you. What a coward. Not to let your victims see you before the inevitable death." Pier said triumphantly. Hopefully that was enough. The robber would either disappear or come out and be a meek small thing with a penchant for scaring people. Pier would drag him to Miser and report him and then be called a hero. **

**"Oh, Androngous, you've fallen right into my trap. Like every other pitiful traveller who simply demanded to see my face." the voice snarled and the figure appeared in front of Pier. It was a shadowy thing at first then Pier's eyes adjusted. He screamed. **

Skulduggery watched Sanguine as he demonstrated the high-pitched squeaking noise he assumed was a scream. Fletcher, who had desperately needed the toilet halfway through, entered the room then screamed too and tripped over the popcorn bowl. Tanith and Ghastly howled as popcorn attacked them and Valkyrie and Erskine were giggling, hyper after eating a big share-bag of lollies each.

Fletcher sat down with a scowl and Sanguine carried on.

**The Texan Horror had white skin, his eyes a deep black and sunken into his face. His mouth was a wide gap with thin lips and he had sharp teeth. His hands were long and bony tipped with claws and they were half-hidden under his black cloak. Scars adorned his whole body and he snarled at Pier. "Are you scared of me now, Androngous?" **

**Pier screamed more and tried to run but The Texan Horror grabbed his cloak and swung him round. "You are a Necromancer?" The TH examined Pier's bracelet with a cold hand. "Would you like to experience death?"**

**Pier shook his head and took a deep breath. "No than-"**

**"It was rhetorical." The Texan Horror smiled and bit into Pier's neck with a spray of crimson blood. The Texan Horror ate Androngous Pier with relish and then went back to his cave, leaving the man's clothes and brain behind. The brain never tasted good. **

Sanguine finished with a grin and Valkyrie glared at him. "Well done for scaring us all with the bloody description on the Texan Horror."

"Language." Skulduggery and Erskine said.

"And don't be such a bloody baby, Fletcher, come out." Erskine added. Fletcher looked out from his blanket and scowled.

"Tanith and Ghastly didn't come back from the downstairs toilet at least two minutes ago." he told them. Skulduggery looked concerned.

"Mission objective, good men and a helpless girl."

"Hey that's sexist." Valkyrie protested.

"I meant Fletcher." Skulduggery said drily. Valkyrie and Erskine laughed loudly and Sanguine chuckled quietly. He didn't want them to know how funny that was.

They all crawled into the hall and Skulduggery led the mission by slowly standing up and opening the bathroom door. It creaked open slightly and Valkyrie lost patience and kicked it with an almighty battle cry.

Ghastly and Tanith were kissing, his shirt unbuttoned all the way down and her hair everywhere.

"Oh my God! Old people kisses!" Fletcher screeched and closed his eyes. Ghastly shrieked and Tanith burst out laughing.

"Guys, calm down, we're only kissing." Tanith giggled. Erskine and Valkyrie were throwing sweets at them and Sanguine was in fits of laughter as Skulduggery stared at them.

"Ew. Ew. Ew." Skulduggery moaned and laid on the floor. "Val, tell the next story while we recover."

The Black Market

**"Hi I'm Valerie Can, have you seen our friend anywhere?" Valkyrie asked the suspicious looking man behind the entrance to the market. **

**"No."**

**"But we haven't even given you a description yet." Dexter pouted then whispered loudly to Valkyrie. "He's got a moustache."**

**"I see that, Dexter." Valkyrie said patiently. "Anyway, our friend is quite easy to spot, really. He's uh I think he has hair and eyes and probably has a suit on. Maybe a hat?" **

**"What colour hair?" the man asked.**

**"I'm not exactly sure yet. He might have changed it."**

**"Could you draw him?"**

**"Yes!" Valkyrie said. She drew a stick man then added eyes and a smile. Then a hat and a suit. "There! That's my friend."**

**"Any specifics?" the man frowned. "Hair colour or type, eye colour? Height? Any things that make him stand out?" **

**"He's tall and thin, his suits are bespoke.." **

**"Literally." Dexter smirked. **

**"Wait bespoke suits?" the man smirked. "Bespoke as in Ghastly Bespoke? You're friends with him?" **

**"Besties." Dexter said.**

**"I hate that guy." the man stood up angrily.**

**"Oh us too. Grr. That guy annoys me." Dexter stepped back. Valkyrie scowled at him.**

**"Yes we're friends with Ghastly. Have you got a message for him?"**

**"Yeah! Next time he's in Venice don't steal my girlfriend!" the man snarled. "Let's leave another little message for him too." the man grew into a towering shadowy shape with long teeth and red eyes. He roared and Dexter screamed.**

**Valkyrie grabbed him and ran for their lives down an alley. "Why in all the women in Venice does Ghastly have to sleep with the demon's girlfriend?"**

**"I am not a demon, I am the devil. Satan himself." Satan was suddenly in front of them. With a wave of his hand Dexter was ripped to shreds.**

**"Bloody hell! Dexter! You killed him!" Valkyrie scowled. "I bet you killed Skulduggery too!"**

**"The idiot asking me about witches? Oh yes. I turned his bones into recorders!"**

**"He always wanted a life in music. Probably not recorders but still..." Valkyrie looked at Satan. "Hey, why was he asking you about witches? He was meant to be having a rest but he didn't come back to Ireland after two weeks so we assumed something was wrong." **

**"He said that he was interested in the witches of Venice."**

**"Oh?" **

**"I told him that they lived in the dungeon then killed him. I cut his bones into pieces." Satan smiled and then suddenly they were in a room. Thousands of recorders lay all about. "These are the remainders of your friend."**

**There was a small sound of a musical note then a sigh. Satan and Valkyrie looked around, confused.**

**"Hi guys!"**

**"Skul?"**

**Satan glared at the talking recorder and set all the recorders on fire.**

**"Well that was a bit dramatic." Valkyrie told him. Satan turned to her and chopped her head off.**

**"Dramatic my ass. Ghastly Bespoke will regret the day he slept with my girlfriend!"**

Tanith hit Ghastly's arm. "Hey! You cheated on me."

"It's not real, love." Ghastly sighed.

"Well duh." Valkyrie said.

"I do want a life in music." Skulduggery said.

"I want a bone recorder!" Fletcher said.

"Why did you have to kill Dex?" Erskine asked.

Sanguine just smiled.

"I think we should skip the third story because seeing the snog-o-rama was horrifying. Prank?" Erskine suggested.

"Prank." Valkyrie grinned.

* * *

The gang of seven waited outside the Sanctuary, eyes bright. China, Saracen, Dexter and Anton were having a meeting with Madame Mist and her spider friends. "Everyone know the plan?" Skulduggery asked. "There are four of them, seven of us. Dexter will be the most good-natured about this so we will recruit him after a mild prank."

"What's the prank on Dexter?" Fletcher asked but was ignored and dragged into a bush.

Dexter came out of the Sanctuary, already lighting up a cigarette. "Like clockwork, ten minutes into a stressful meeting he gets a 'phone call'." Ghastly whispered.

"He's been doing it since the war." Erskine said quietly. "He could never deal with meetings."

Valkyrie smirked at this. What a baby. She sat through hundreds of meetings. It didn't matter that sometimes she faked a phone call from her parents to quickly steal the Bentley and take it on a spin round Roarhaven. Tanith joined her most of the time.

"Ready?" Sanguine whispered, preparing for action. Dexter puffed out smoke and sighed in relief. "Go!"

Valkyrie lurched forward out of the bush, her freak mask disguising her and in the bush, someone pinched Fletcher. As planned Fletcher let out a haunting screech.

"Ah! Get off me!" Dexter screamed as Valkyrie kicked his leg and flipped him to the floor. Dexter held the cigarette above his head so it wouldn't go out. Tanith leapt up and waved her sword above his head. She was wearing a Scream mask and a black cloak.

"Scream once more and I'll cut out your brain and eat it for a well-deserved Halloween snack!" Tanith snarled in her scariest Scream voice. Dexter stopped screaming and whimpered instead. Valkyrie grinned and pretended to be considering something, head cocked to the side.

"We won't eat you _if _you tell us something. Tell us a juicy deep secret that you wouldn't ever tell your friends."

"We thrive off them." Tanith waved her sword around some more. Dexter squealed.

"Okay! Okay! Promise you'll let me go after this!"

"Maybe.." Valkyrie said. "We'll let you go."

"Okay, then. I-you know I'm a Dead Man right?" Tanith nodded and adjusted her cloak. "Well, on a mission, I once pretended to be injured because I didn't want to fight and then, Ghastly, Ghastly Bespoke carried me ten miles over his shoulder to the hospital. And at the hospital was this nurse Erskine had been seeing and she was really nice. This Juno. Anyway I explained my predicament to Juno and she kept me in her nurses' room for a day or two. But there was only one bed. So we shared." Dexter finished. "As in shared bodily fluids."

Valkyrie exchanged looks with Tanith. Erskine and Ghastly leapt out from the bushes and glared down at Dexter. "You absolute asshole!" Erskine wailed. "I really liked Juno! She was the hottest Adept I'd ever seen!"

Tanith coughed and Erskine looked at her. "Your beauty does not compare to Juno's."

"Oi." Ghastly scowled at him. "My girlfriend is very hot."

"Well yes but-"

"Don't call my _girlfriend _hot!" Ghastly yelled at him. Erskine sighed and helped Dexter up. Tanith discarded her cloak and the mask and Valkyrie flipped her freak mask over her head. Dexter was staring at them as Fletcher, Skulduggery and Sanguine stood up.

"We're doing a Halloween prank." Sanguine explained. "It's Saracen next."

"Oh! Can I join in?" Dexter cheered up.

"Yes!" Skulduggery grinned and high-fived him. "Let's go prank some knowledgeable ass."

* * *

"Fletcher I know you're hiding behind that curtain." Saracen sighed and turned round as Fletcher came out of his hiding spot miserably.

"How?" Fletcher asked.

"I could see your feet, you idiot." Saracen turned back towards the mirror of Erskine's private bathroom.

"Oh." Fletcher said. "Happy Halloween." he sat down on a comfy chair. "How come Erskine's bathroom's so amazing?"

"Grand Mage perks." Saracen said then screamed. "What the hell are you doing, Vex!"

Dexter was stood in the shower, face pressed on the glass. He started laughing. "Ha! Got ya! Happy Halloween!"

Fletcher grinned. "Did I help you sneak in?"

"Uh sure, Fletch." Dexter said. "Fletcher here was an excellent decoy. He distracted you while I sneaked into the shower and Skulduggery is filming you."

Skulduggery stepped out from behind the life-size statue of Erskine perched next to the bath with a videocamera. Erskine sat up from where he was lying in the bath. "Erskine," Skulduggery said. "You make an excellent hiding place."

"Thanks-"

"You're so big it's easy to hide behind you!"

"That's life-size! As in real measurements!" Erskine glared at him. "Are you saying I'm fat?"

"Uh..."

Tanith laughed and swung down from the ceiling. "Guys Valkyrie just text me. Her, Sanguine and Ghastly are in place to scare China. They're also going to ask something personal like we did with Dexter!"

"What did Dexter confess?" Saracen asked, mischeviously.

"I'll show you the video later." Skulduggery whispered.

"What video?" Dexter frowned.

"Nothing." Skulduggery smirked. Tanith grabbed her laptop from a chair and typed in the website address. A video feed from a security camera popped up of China doing her hair.

* * *

Valkyrie waited in position until Sanguine gave her the all clear and a cheerful smile. He was getting better at this socializing with 'enemies' stuff. Valkyrie rolled out and tugged on China's leg then rolled back into the darkness, manippulating shadows to make sure they covered her body. The sides of the small room China had found were very dark. China looked round, frowning.

"Miss Sorrows I'm a huge fan." Ghastly said in a deep voice and then waved at Valkyrie from behind a chair. Valkyrie rolled her eyes.

"Who's there?" China looked round again and stood, back to the wall.

"It is I." Sanguine burst up from his position under a table, splintering the table and making China jump.

"Sanguine what on Earth are you doing here?" China snapped. "Aren't you meant to be at Ghastly's ridiculous Halloween party?"

"Hey! It's not ridiculous!" Ghastly popped up, scowling.

Valkyrie face-palmed and the shadows moved.

"Ah! Did you, did you see that?" China whispered and pointed to Valkyrie's hiding spot. "Something moved!"

"What was it?" Sanguine played along with a smirk.

"Something moved!" China shrieked as Valkyrie made the shadows move again. "It's a rat! I know it is! It's a rat! Oh God!"

"You're scared of rats?" Ghastly said.

"Pestis!"

"Huh?"

"It means pest in Latin. Oh rats!" China leapt away as Valkyrie leapt up, yelling a battle cry.

"Your face!" Valkyrie laughed loudly. China stopped.

"You did this? Valkyrie?"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Valkyrie tried to stop laughing but failed. "We're going to prank Anton now so if you'd like to join us?"

"I'm going home." China said haughtily. "Goodbye!"

* * *

"Okay, gang. Anton is the hardest to prank. He must not find out that it was us. Ever. Or he will kill Saracen." Dexter said.

"Why me?"

"Because we all will put the blame on you."

"You're the one who slept with Erskine's girlfriend and made Ghastly carry you for miles."

"That's very true." Erskine said. "Sorry, Dex, I'd put the blame on you."

"Same." Ghastly nodded.

"That's thirded." Tanith said.

"Is that a word?" Dexter said.

"I'm not sure. Skul?"

"How am I meant to know?" Skulduggery said then clapped his hands. "Phase one is set in action. Valkyrie and Fletcher are teleporting to the Hotel as we speak, dressed as drowned dead ghosts."

"All ghosts are dead." Sanguine said.

"Not all." Skulduggery said.

* * *

Fletcher liked holding Valkyrie's hand. But she let go as soon as they teleported into the kitchen. They grabbed meat knives and started creeping into the hall. A guest was there and she screamed loudly. "Help! Murderers! Help! Mr Shudder!"

Valkyrie cursed and ran towards the reception to get out of the front door. Anton was there however and he cried out. He didn't let the gist out but he grabbed her arm then flipped her over.

"Ow! Anton!" Valkyrie moaned and Anton stopped.

"Val?"

"Um yes? Happy Halloween! Jeez, it was a prank." Valkyrie sat up and dropped her knife on the floor.

"Scaring my guests and threatening them with knives?"

"I haven't threatened anyone." Valkyrie said. "Well not today."

"Okay. Sorry. Don't tell Skulduggery I floored you."

"Uh he may be accessing your security cameras right now."

Anton suddenly slumped on the floor next to her and Fletcher was scowling, holding his knife. "Jesus Christ, Renn!" Valkyrie scowled.

"I didn't kill him! I hit him with the handle!"

"Still! Anyway, phase two?"

"Phase two!"

Xxxxxxxxxx

Sanguine, dressed up as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre guy, looked at the now concious Anton. "Hello. Welcome to death." he said. Anton shrieked and leapt back.

"Please tell me this is another prank!"

"Prank? Everything will seem like a mere prank after I torture you and leave you to die."

Anton screamed some more. His guests, having been informed of the Halloween pranks, were dressed as zombies and they all staggered out of their rooms. "Zombies! Zombies!" Anton shouted.

Ghastly approached him, his face a mess of dark paints and wearing a ripped suit.

"Anton, my friend, do not be scared." he said. "I will not hurt you. We only want the best from you."

"Maybe your heart." Tanith chimed in, dressed as the woman in black. Dexter and Saracen swung from the ceiling on ropes, eyes covered in eyeshadow and eyeliner and screaming. Anton ran towards the door but Skulduggery, armed with a rifle, was guarding it. Skulduggery looked like the Grim Reaper in a Necromancer cloak and his face glowing white.

"Don't run. You can't hide from us." Erskine waved from the desk. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a Ralph Lauren polo shirt. He looked fairly normal. "Remember James? Unity James? The man who was possesed by the devil in the 1800's?"

Anton nodded.

"Well, he's come to pay us a visit."

Unity James appeared in the middle of the room and looked at Anton. "The devil inside me is stronger than ever. He will not let me go. Unless-" James turned to Erskine and let out a scream of pain then collapsed. Erskine's eyes glowed red momentarily then he looked back at Anton.

"Hello Anton." the devil inside Erskine said and Anton screamed even more. Sanguine grabbed his shirt and pushed him towards Tanith who bared her teeth in a smile. Tanith shoved him at the zombie-guest horde and they reached out for him, snarling and growling.

The last thing Anton remembered was screaming curses as his friends gathered round him, taking photos.

* * *

**1st November **

"Morning, Anton. Have a good sleep?" Erskine asked brightly. Valkyrie hid her smile by taking a sip of coffee.

"Eff off, Ravel." Anton snapped. "I am exhausted. My reputation is in tatters and that video is circulating on the web with the caption Shudder Screams. Also people keep ridiculing me. It's digraceful."

"Oh shame." Valkyrie said.

"It's embarrassing! Please please tell everyone it was faked!"

"Nah. That video is making me very popular indeed. You know today Dusk risked coming to the Sanctuary to congratulate us and offer his help in the next Halloween prank night?"

"Next Halloween I'm refusing all guests, barricading my doors and going to somewhere remote like the Sahara."

"Sure. We'll definitely not bother you." Valkyrie said with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Oh course not." Erskine said.

"Eff off!" Anton growled and he stood up, turned round and screamed. Skulduggery wore his normal suit and a glittery feathery hat.

"Valkyrie found out that I enjoy dressing as a uh." Skulduggery stopped and looked at the laughing Valkyrie. Anton gave one final scream of outrage before storming out. Valkyrie waved him goodbye then looked at Skulduggery.

"You look good in that hat."


End file.
